I think I found my new favorite drink from (where else)... Starbucks! I typically either go with a plain black coffee or hot soy Chai, size Grande of course. This morning some wierd worm crawled up my ass so I ordered a soy Chai with a shot of espresso. Good shit. Got an interesting look from the chick at the counter though.....
So, I'd say it was a pretty rough day yesterday. I have idea what the hell my problem is, I was all emotional like a little girl. I think that it's just being unsure of things. It's like everything is so up in the air.
I know what I am doing with myself but I have no idea what is going on with anything else.
And I'm not trying to hurt anyone's feelings but I am kind of keeping to myself because I don't feel like dealing with any more crap. It's already a shitstorm here!
I think what I need is a good cry. Yes, you heard me. A good cry. Some comfort. Sounds strange but doesn't everybody just need to be comforted once in awhile?
I don't know, I'm hormonal or something. Being a chick sucks. Yeah the perfumes and lotions and purses and shoes, etc, are neat but overall I'd have to rate the experience like a 2.
If you are too strong you are a bitch, you know. There's no "oh, she's a strong woman" about it. You are a BITCH, perhaps even a stupid CUNT.
And men have a hard time dealing with it. It scares them away. Or if they are insecure they think you don't need them.
I mean, I'm not overbearing or anything but I feel that each person is responsible for carrying their own weight in a relationship or otherwise in life. I feel that if a person is willing to be given to then they should care enough to want give back. And not monetarily. Fuck money! I'd rather be wearing trash bags living out of a busted wheel shopping cart happily, than carrying out a padded but miserable life.
I live my life passionately. I can't help it. It is who I am and who I will always be. I don't need drama. I don't need baggage, problems, or issues. I try not to let my past interfere with my future. And believe me my past has blown like Moby Dick. It would be easy to wallow in it but I choose not to.
I will live my life, I will love even though I've been hurt. And yes, I have been deeply hurt in the past but that's not going to stop me.
I have never found anyone that I truly loved that wasn't afraid to love me back. I mean no-holds-barred god damn I would walk across hot coals for you if you asked. Because that's how I am, and that is what love means to me. I am not asking to be worshipped or adored.
I would happily compromise for true love. It's when I compromise and it turns out to that the other person was only thinking of their own welfare that really pisses me off. It makes me feel used. I'm not a trophy. I'm not a diversion. I don't need all your attention constantly but I won't warm the bench forever. I need to be put in the game once in awhile.
I will tell you that I can't stand to be toyed with.
I'm very black or white. Either you like me or you don't. And if you don't fuck you! Chances are I don't like you either.
I am not a person who will "grow on you". I'm not a friggen wisteria for Christ sakes. What you see is what you get!
I'm not perfect, I never claimed to be, and most likely I never will be. Deal with it or don't.
Whew, I feel better........
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment